Succexy

Metric "Old World Underground, Where Are You Now?"

Lonesome for no one when
The room was empty and
War as we knew it was obsolete
Nothing could beat complete denial

All we do is talk, sit, switch screens
As the homeland plans enemies

All we do is talk, static split screens
As the homeland plans enemies

Invasion's so succexxy

Let's drink to the military
The glass is empty
Faces to fill and cars to feed
Nothing could beat complete denial

All we do is talk, sit, switch screens
As the homeland plans enemies

All we do is talk, static split screens
As the homeland plans enemies

Invasion's so succexxy

Passive attraction, programmed reaction
Passive attraction, programmed reaction
Action distraction, more information
Flesh saturation, lips on a napkin
Ass ass ass

Where does the time go?
We're waking up so slowly
Days are horizontal lately
Out of body, watched from above
Out of body, watched from above

Passive attraction, programmed reaction
More information, cash masturbation
Follow the pattern- the hemlines, the headlines
Action distraction,faster than fashion
Faster than fashion,faster than fashion

Lonesome for no one when
The room was empty and
War as we knew it was obsolete
Nothing could beat denial

Shock, Confusion, Denial, Acceptance.

Last night, a drunk, yet respectable guy i know, came up to me and told me that i always underestimate myself. After the shock of this random statement faded, confusion took over. why would he say this? why would he tell me this? could it be true?
i suppose, like when dealing with death, i went through the 4 stage thought process:
shock, confusion, denial, acceptance.
i had managed to convince myself, for a good 20 minutes, that this statement wasnt true. and then, like a brick wall, it hit me. I do underestimate myself.
i guess its true that i dont really expect anything of myself, because i dont perticularily like myself.
in this 40 minutes of deep, drunken thought, the wierdest thing wasnt that i wasnt surprised to realize that i underestimate myself, but that someone thought that i could do something better. be something better, and actually make an effort and achieve something.
i had a great insight last night. i now know that some people actually think of me as someone special... its a nice change...

Never asking again

i am officially never asking anything of my mother again. i dont ask too much of her, yet i always seem to get screwed over, and forgotten. then complained to, because she drops everything to do things for me. im oficially doing everything for myself. starting now. then, hopefully i wont be such a dissapointment to her.

Drama Queens, Bitches, and Whores

why are girls so stupid? honestly?
i often question why about 90% of my close friends are boys? am i just manly? am i obsessed with flirting...no. its because girls are lame idiots.

things that piss me the fuck off about girls:
1) Drama, Drama, Drama. dont cry or rant to me, i dont really care about your bestfriends, boyfriends, sisters, friends, cousin calling you a whore behind your back...you are a whore...
2) Oblivious much? he was dating you...but he never talked to you or anything, he never even said hi to you at school or called you to ask how your day was...you just always hooked up...then, he breaks up with you, tells you your annoying, and that he was only dating you to get a piece of ass...AND YOUR SURPRISED! im sure not...your annoying and easy...
3) Behind my back... your nice to me when we talk, or when your at a party im at, so im nice to you back. i have nothing against you...and vice versa. then you start talking about me to other people behind my back? I DONT CARE! you dont have to like me, your not that great or a person anyways...losing you as a friend wouldent be a great loss. but if you have a problem with me tell me, or shut the fuck up and just deal with it.
4) To put it nicely- whore... you get mad because people call you a slut? ...well you hookup with anything that moves...or breathes...or...dosent? seriously, your getting the attention you wanted from everyone...you got what you want. so dont be surprised when people see your face in the yearbook, and remember you as a whore.
5) Your better than...no one. in your mind your something special. but your apearently oblivious to the fact that your the exact same as EVERYONE else, in the way you act, and look. your no better than the kids in the Learning assistance room...or that guy in my english class with bigger tits than mine. your not that great. deal with it.

im friends with guys because they dont care. theyre chill, and they just deal with shit that your tiny blonde minds cant seem to cope with.

So take your 300$, 30lb Lulu Lemon bag, and your 9,000$ highlights, and fuck off.

Do you miss my all time lows?

When i find my buzz of the week...day...whatever... its hard to feel good when im just me... im not eating, im not sleeping, and im not happy.

ive been here before. its not really a new or strange place for me. its just hard to get out of it... especially by myself.

i feel bad for those around me. im sure they think im crazy.
they cant tell by the circles under my eyes, or my shaking hands, that im not me. not really me.

im okay during the morning, for the most part. im usually still a bit buzzed. im hyper, and i cant seem to stop talking... about everything... about anything.
by afternoon i completely drop. no energy, not to mention im such a bitch.
by late afternoon im really feeling it. i start shaking, i get dizzy, and hot... thats when i remember that in reality i have no control over myself. im not strong enough, and i have been consumed by this mental craving.

i wish you were here with me now. even tho i know your worse off than me right now. i still miss you. its now that you would tell me to stop fucking up my life.
How I miss your ranting.
Do you miss my all time lows?

Disillusion

Badly Drawn Boy "The hour of the Bewilderbeast"

Seems you created your own illusion
Fuelled by an image of me
Well I couldn't stay at your side
It wouldn't be right
A picture that I just don't see
Why do you have to make it so complicated
Can't it just be beautiful
I don't want to stifle your flight
I didn't mean to fall in love

Always in pursuit of the perfect people
Oh and I can see that it shows
But there's just an innocence in you I wanna wring out
I know it could be beautiful

But I don't want a part ofsome situation
I don't want to be in that boat
I don't want to stifle your flight
I didn't mean to fall in love

Seems you created your own illusion
Fuelled by an image of me
Well I couldn't stay at your side
It wouldn't be right
A picture that I just don't see

Nothing takes the taste out of penut butter... like unrequited love.

MySpace-ically Challanged.

I have officially tried to make a MySpace twice, and i have conviniently failed TWICE. when it comes to technology, im usually pretty okay. not with MySpace. they seem to think its really funny, to make everything absolutely impossible to figure out. ( not that im really upset about the fact that i wasnt able to make a MySpace. i could really care less.) i guess im just mad that i seem to be MySpace-ically Challanged... among other things...

like french toast or mittens

I seem to plan out every second of my day. have to be here, have to finish this. a day for me isnt 9-5 its usually about 8-10. i guess thats my comfort. the madness has become comfortable...like french toast or mittens. knowing where i am supposed to be at all times makes me feel like im not just living to die. it makes me feel like im doing something with my life, even tho at the end of the day i still have nothing to show for it. im just waiting for the day that i collaps, because of all the pressure im putting on myself.
im waiting for myself to collaps...yet i cant seem to find time in my busy schedule...to do it.

Sex in your dirty basement

Top 10 Places to have sex:
1. In your bed
2. In your parents bed
3. In his car
4. On a washing machine, while running
5. In a hot tub
6. On a beach, down in the sand
7. On a comfy couch with the TV on
8. On a waterbed
9. A plane
bathroom
10. **In the rain**

Top 10 Places NOT to have sex:
1. In the movies
2. In a car... WHILE YOU'RE DRIVING!
3. In front of all of your friends
4. In a phonebooth
5. In your best friend's bed
6. At Grandma's house
7. At school
8. In your dirty basement
9. In the street
10. ON-LINE**

...nothing special

Ive realized that this blog kind of makes me look like some sort of depressed emo child, so i figured i would tell a little about myself.

Im nothing special... and i mean that in the best way possible. im not smart, or pretty, or skinny, or athletic, or talented in any real way... which is really fine with me for the most part.

Physical appearence... again nothing special... but i seem to give off the smart/innocent look... im far from smart, and im defenately not innocent ( i dont mean that in a slutty way...ps).

Im living proof that you really dont know someone until you actually know them.

State of love and trust

I have only trusted 3 people in my life. when i explain further, you will understand why only 3.

I trusted my father...before he left my mother, and completely forgot i existed. i havnt seen or heard from him in 11 years. i hate him for that.

I trusted my Bestfriend...Ali. she meant everything to me, we were unseperable. We got into drugs, drinking and guys...and when we were 13, she killed herself. i hate her for that.

I trusted my boyfriend...He treated me like a queen, he was perfect. then he got hooked on meth. it consumed his whole life, and soon nothing was important to him. not even me. i hate him for that.

Everyone i have ever trusted has left me. deserted me.
Ive learned not to trust...i dont even think i really trust me anymore... and i hate myself for that.

What kind of drug are you?

what kind of drug are you?

http://quiz.myyearbook.com/zenhex/quizresult.php

Your Results:

Methamphetamine

you are methamphetamine.

being almost 5 times as strong as speed, it's obvious you like it fast.

you rush through life, loving every second.

...ironic...

Just for dramatic effect...

Current mood: Frustrated, i suppose
Current music: Black Cadillacs -Modest Mouse

I just wrote a letter of resignation to my boss. I really love my job, im really close to everyone there. We always have such a good time when were working, and were all good friends. Im quitting because of my boss. Hes an arrogant prick, and hes the only reason im resigning. I was surprised with my letter... it was actually pretty decent, aside from the "Fuck you." i added on the end... just for... you know... dramatic effect. I guess im sad im leaving. Im going to miss everyone sooooooo much. I know i will find another job...it just sucks.

Poster of a girl

Metric "Live it out"

Can't stand by myself
Hate to sleep alone
Surprises always help
So I take somebody home
To find out how I feel
Feel like just a baby
Portrait of a lady
Poster of a girl

Satisfy myself
Avoid beginners
Who long to shut my mouth
Till I take one of them home
'Cause I know how it feels
Filling in the blanks
Looking on the bright side
When there is no bright side
Coming in your pants
For the off chance
With a poster of a girl

L-O-V-E

love.
"A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness"
Bullshit.
dont get me wrong here. i believe you can care for someone deeply, apreciately them, respect them, desire them. but 'love' them?
love is a four letter word created by people who...make greeting cards.
but for some reason, people are searching for it, longing to have it, going to insane lengths to achieve it. you dont have to agree with me about this, i just believe that its stupid to sum up all feelings in one simple term. love. who is really in love anyways? the young? the wise? the rich?
tell someone you love them, but before you do, think of all the things you actually feel about that person. im sure they'd apreciate it more than 'love'.

Across my back in black sharpie

mmmm...my weekend.
convinced someone to have a party at his house. but, bieng the idiot he is, he chose to have it on a day when i had a different party to go to. forcing me to choose which one i should go to.
i chose the different party. it was so much fun, and as far as i know i had a great time. i was on wayy too many drugs to remember what happened that night. all i know is that i woke up with a phone number and the name 'William' written across my entire back in black sharpie.
i dont know if i chose the right party to go to. god knows i wouldent have done half the shit i ended up doing that night. ohh well. i suppose i dont really care that much. haha my night was a true spirited adventure...like most nights are when your with me.

Glimpse into the mind of a Gemini

I’ll give you kisses if you want them,
Money if you ask, you dont even have to ask,
I’ll give you a glimpse into the mind of a Gemini,
An independent addict,
One Free Spirited Slave, to a Society,
Where humans relate ruins,
And ruin relationships,

I’ll share with you my secrets,
My regrets,
My should have’s, and would have’s,
My didnt’s.
Wallpaper tares under the clock on the wall,
Its’ hands criss-crossing, and cross-crissing,
I’ll wait if you need me to.
If you would you need me to.
I’ll stop.
I’ll sit in silence,
I’ll count the ways in witch im amazed,
By you.

The sun inches towards me now.
I’ll pack up my suitcases,
And carry them around with me for the day,
Hidden, as always.

I’ll show you how ive changed.
And how youve changed me.
I’ll share my fears, my confusions, my Disbeliefs,
Love, love, love.

And while your hearing this,
I hope you understand.
Because to me these are just words.Pale, dull, breakable words.
We’re taught that,
We are free to say whatever we want…within reason.

Its sobering.
As Wednesday inches closer,
I’ll tell you of the resolutions for tomorrow :
No drugs, go to class, find something to care about.
Something. Anything.
To keep me sweet, and simple.
Promise myself i’ll do it tomorrow…

Succees, when i achieve all 3.